Devil's Food Cake and my heart's desire...

I remember a day when my heart was safely tucked away inside my body.  Open, yet still protected.  Sure, it was squeezed and shared and twisted and filled and occasionally even broken, but it was always with me.

I remember the moment that day in January, when I looked down...and there I was...holding my heart in my hands.  As if I was dreaming.  I could feel it, see it, touch it, smell it there in my arms...yet at the same time...my insides were swelling, as if making room to hold it inside.  Perhaps this was the same as phantom limb syndrome?

As years went by, I gradually accepted the fact that my heart was out there spreading joy.  It was making the world a better place...warming other hearts...encouraging hope.   There have been moments...hours...filled with prayer and anticipation until we were reunited.

My heart, you fill me with pride and wonder and amazement and fear and love.  The past thirteen years have been the most amazing and heart-wrenching years of my life.

And if Devil's Food cake is what my heart desires after walking around outside of my body for thirteen years, then Devil's Food cake is what my heart shall receive.

Devil's Food Cake

from Nigella Kitchen

serves 10-12

for the cake:

½ c. unsweetened cocoa powder, sifted 

½ c. packed dark brown sugar

1 c. boiling water

9 Tbs. soft, unsalted butter

¾ c. superfine sugar

1½ c. ap flour

½ tsp. baking powder

½ tsp. baking soda

2 tsp. vanilla extract

2 xl eggs

for the frosting:

½ c. water

2 Tbs. dark brown sugar

¾ c. (12 Tbs.) unsalted butter, cubed

11 oz. bittersweet chocolate, finely chopped (or chips)

Preheat oven to 350° F.  Line bottoms of two 8" cake pans w/ parchment paper and butter the sides.

cake:  Put cocoa and brown sugar into a bowl with space to spare, and pour in the boiling water.  Whisk to mix, set aside.  Mix flour, baking powder and baking soda together in separate bowl and set aside.

Cream butter and superfine sugar together until light and fluffy.  Add vanilla.  Drop in one egg, then half of the flour mixture.  Repeat.  Fold in reserved cocoa mixture.  Divide batter between prepared pans and bake for ~25-30 mins, or until a toothpick comes out clean.  Cool on a wire rack for 5-10 minutes, then turn cakes out of pans and continue cooling the rest of the way on the rack.  

frosting (takes ~1 hour before ready, so you can do this either while the cake is baking, or an hour or so before you're ready to use it):  Put water, sugar and butter in a pan over low heat to melt.  When it begins to bubble, remove it from the heat and add the chocolate.  Swirl the pan around a bit to let the chocolate get covered and begin to melt.Whisk until smooth and glossy.  Let sit for at least an hour to thicken up a bit.  Frost the cake!!  Use about a third to cover bottom layer...a third to cover top...and a third to finish the sides.

“Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.”   ~Elizabeth Stone

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